I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
