problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
