So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
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Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
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How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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