I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
