dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
