No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
