she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
