You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
