the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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