what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Randomize