...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
