Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
