I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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