trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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