Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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