You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
