There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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