Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
