wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
