I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
