'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
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