his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Randomize