Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
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