I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize