There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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