a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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