Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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