What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
she looked like the before picture.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Randomize
