sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Randomize
