I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
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