I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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