Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
