did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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