Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
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