Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Randomize
