my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Randomize
