youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
