I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Pants are for mortals
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
