yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Randomize
