I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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