Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
