can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
