i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize