SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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