so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
