I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
