How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
