What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
