I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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