Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
