He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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