Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
