I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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