Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize