You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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