it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Randomize
