Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
do nipples grow back?
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