I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
