Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
