I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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