you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
