You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
