It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
