just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Randomize
