Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
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