I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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