tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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