I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
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