the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Randomize
