so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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