New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
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