i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
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