so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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