We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Randomize
