i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
