I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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