Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
