There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
